Thursday, December 9, 2010

Waiting on Goodbye

Goodbye, I can’t take it anymore.
Goodbye, I can’t deal with the pain this causes.
Goodbye, I have to let you go.
Goodbye, I have to disappear.
Goodbye, you don’t love me.
Goodbye, you don’t want me.
No matter, how many times I let you go, how many times I say goodbye, I cannot let the words leave my mind and exit my mouth. My heart keeps stopping them. “Just a little more time,” he says. Just give her a little more time.
“Time for what?”
“Time to see.”
 My mind is like the highway, constantly moving, always faster, a thousand different exits and I must try them all. But my heart…. My heart is a tree. A great redwood that has lasted for years, decades, centuries, growing stronger with time and weathering everything that comes against it. My heart does not need to know the tip of each branch, because it feels them. It does not have a destination, it simply grows outward and upward, encompassing all around it. My heart will weather this as it has everything else. It will love you forever, as long as it stands my love for you will always grow.
 But my mind, I worry for my mind. It keeps going from road to road, looking for the right exit, the right way. It does not feel the road, it cannot feel the right path that will lead it to you. It must go down every road, every possibility, and dead end after dead end tells it to let you go. But somewhere there is a road, and that road leads to a place where you are waiting for me. All my mind needs is a little more time, time to find the right road. Time my heart knows it needs. Until that road is found. My mind will still keep saying goodbye, and my heart will keep saying wait, just wait.

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