Alone

Sometimes I feel lonely as I sit at my desk. It's amazing how three little walls can put up such high barriers around you. It sometimes feels like I'm the only one in the building, in town, in the world. It feels like everyone decided to sneak out while I wasn't looking. Then I get sad, because I'm lonely.

 But when that happens, when I get lonely like that, I open my wallet and pull out a little slip of paper that simply says "I love you! XOXO" and it's as if a veil is lifted. I'm not lonely anymore, maybe she'll text me, or maybe we'll talk on my way home, but if not I know she will be there when our lives give us some time to be together. And I know that, even when I'm lonely, I am never alone.

Head pain

 Headaches make me angry. I get annoyed with my head for hurting, then frustrated at the light for hurting my eyes. Then the people just won't stop talking in their not a whisper voice that just grates on my nerves. Everything becomes a hassle, a pain to be endured. When I have a headche it is like I am transformed to Mr. Hyde. All the niceness and optimism I normally feel, all the caring for others and not caring about the wrong they do me goes away. I just want to yell at everyone, to tell them to get the hell away from my cube, QUIETLY, and shut off the damn lights on their way out the BUILDING!

 It just shows what a great Libra I am, because even though thats what is going through my mind I am still smiles and good natured remarks. I still encourage and do my best to help others, but really I just want to tell them to go away as I lay my forehead against the barely cool desk top and wait for my sanity to return.

 So, if we ever meet, and I say I have a headache, know that that means to run. Run as far as your legs can carry you because I won't be a nice guy.

bad day, full night

 As the moon rises, bright and shining in the eastern sky, you can feel its pull on you. The full moon draws at the emotions contained within you, crashing them against their barriers. For some the barriers are weak and break immediately, snapping their sanity and leaving them to instinct and emotion. For others, like you, the barriers hold and their emotions are kept in check. So when other people are out in the moonlight wreaking havoc and running amok, you are safe in your home.

 But tonight is different, dangerously so. There is an added stressor that wears at those barriers throughout the day. Today is Friday the 13^th and, for those of a superstitious mind, that makes it the unluckiest day of the year. A day once called “witch’s Sabbath” and a number that is a depravity of completeness. There are those who are too afraid to even leave their homes on this day, who refuse to fly or drive or work.

 Even if you are not superstitious, it still weighs on your mind. Anything that happens on this day is attributed to bad luck, no matter how simple or profound. Accidents and incidents are emphasized, and by the time the moon begins to rise and the tide begins to shift the barriers within your mind have been worn thin.

 Looking at the moon, staring deeply into it, you hear a rushing sound, as if the ocean itself were right before you. You feel an urge to run, to howl, to be free of your burdens. Never before has the moon looked so large, so near, as if you could reach out and pluck it from the sky.

 The ocean sound has become a rumble, and then a roar as it fills your ears and your thoughts. It is the wave of your emotions, your instincts breaking loose and coming forth in a tidal wave to submerge and eradicate your rational thoughts. That last thing you comprehend, beyond the roar in your ears, is a howl. It starts out low and guttural, gaining in pitch and loudness as it grows. Something breaks loose in you and you go to shout, but you hear only the same sound coming from your lips before you lose yourself and the world goes dark…

A Morning Vision

 As she prepares for the day I watch. From the table I see clearly into the bathroom where she stands in her nightgown, stopping at mid thigh, and looking into the mirror. Her hair is a beautiful mess, dark and wavy as it falls against her bare back and shoulders. She begins there, brushing her hair into place until it looks soft, shiny. I want to walk right over and run my hands through it. But I stay, I sit, I watch as she continues, applying unnecessary make up to an already alluring face. She lifts slightly on her toes, tensing the muscles and showing off her toned, tan legs. Her gown rides up slightly, pooling at her lower back and accentuating her firm, athletic buttocks. I ache now, fighting to keep myself in place instead of going to her, walking up behind her and running my hands up those sexy legs, grasping her hips and pulling her against me, then sliding my hands along her sensuous body, nibbling at her shoulder and neck as I do.

 In only a few minutes the show is over, too soon in my opinion, as she finishes in the bathroom and goes to the bedroom to change into her work clothes. It is quite the transformation; this natural, sexy woman who just crawled out of bed, and my arms, and is now a primped and prepped business woman. Still sexy, still beautiful, but its reserved, defined, completely opposite the unrestrained appeal, the radiant beauty that I woke to.

 Is this bad, to love a woman who can so quickly change from one form to another, a chameleon in her own right? No, it’s truly a privilege, a gift and an enjoyment I wouldn’t trade for anything. She is all the woman I need, and everything I could ever want. When I am shopping, she is the one I want next to me, people watching and rambling as we walk hand in hand. When I am at the bar, she is the one I watch over my pool cue as she leans over to make her shot, or shooting me a quick smile. When I am lying on the couch, she is the one laying with me, my arms around her holding her close to me. When I fall asleep at night, she is the one in the darkness right beside me, her fragrance all around me and the taste of our goodnight kiss on my lips.

 But now she is the worker, and it’s time to get to it. She grabs her lunch and coffee cup, and we head toward the door. Just before we leave the house to go our separate ways for the day, she turns and kisses me, deeply, and I see once more the sexy woman I woke too, barely hidden behind her work clothes and make up. Then we turn and leave, knowing it will only be a few hours until we are back together again.