W's

 Who is this man in the mirror? I am not myself anymore. I used to joke and smile with the image I saw, flex and laugh and call myself sexy, and even believe it sometimes. Now I only stare, and count off my flaws, all the reasons why. I'm not big enough, not strong enough, I'm too short, too small. I'm not ugly, but by no means am I handsome. I'm just a below average brown eyed brown haired man, not even worth the dime for a dozen.

 What happened? I'm becoming someone completely different on the inside. I changed, that's what happened. I should have kept things the way they were, kept it all locked away and safe, but I didn't. I opened up, and now I can not close that door again. Not that it would matter. What was kept there is now gone, like opening Pandora's Box, and now only foolish hope remains.

 When did I lose it all? I wish I knew. I run it all through my head like a movie, and point out everything I did wrong, my own critic. But to say when it started, or what ended it, is impossible. I will never know, unless I am told. Then again, the when of it doesn't matter.

 Where is my faith? It's fading slowly with the time. It's not gone, but it's not what it was. It feels so weak at times that I could blow it away with a single breath, so I hold my breath. What would I be without my faith? If I don't believe in forever, what is there to believe in?

 Why can't I cry over this. Why do I have to laugh and smile and put on a good face. No one says I have to, but then again no one wants to share my pain. When you are the rock, you're not supposed to cry. So I don't, I won't. Rocks do not cry, you cannot draw tears from a stone. So I will let the tears fall on the inside, and let them fill me up until I've drowned my own soul.