the darkness

 In the darkness I wait, the steel bars around me reflecting the cold metal cage that surrounds my heart. And then I hear it, the loveliest noise I could ever imagine. “Pit-pat pit-pat,” it comes closer and closer, and at the door the jingle of keys, a lock being released with a loud “CLICK” as if the mechanism itself is happy to be free of its burden. Your visits are always the same:

 You will walk in smiling as always, the whole room bursting into light at your presence. It is nearly blinding, as if each individual beam of light wants to shine its best for you. Then you will walk up to me, your light colliding with my darkness, creating an explosive spectrum of grays to fill the room. The bars will melt away and we will walk along, talking of nothing and yet it will mean everything to me. And as we walk, you never mention the chains around my neck and arms or the shackles on my feet that lead me inexorably back to the darkness. Being with you, I am as close to free as I will ever be.

 But wait, what is that sound? It's not any of the usual sounds that fill my cage, I did not even notice it while I was daydreaming of you. There it is again, the “thud, thud, thud” of a dull and boring heart beat walking beside your “pit-pat, pit-pat.” Who is it, who could be with you? You’ve never brought anyone here before. I didn’t have to wait long to find out as you open the door.

 You are as radiant as ever, and I can’t help but think that the rest of the world must seem darker without you in the heavens to shine upon it. But now, standing next to you, his hand in yours, a grey ghost appears. He has been no more real to me than a character in a story, a figment of your imagination, but now he is here and we are face to face. And though you are still bright as the sun, the entrance of his grey into our black and white world has darkened it slightly. The spectrum is no longer so long, and pure white is not one of its ends. The bars that once melted away only weaken now, forcing me to pull, push, and twist them out of my way. His reaction to my monstrous display is to step forward as if to protect you from me! Does he not know that he is the only one in danger here.

 The darkness, that force that is a part of me as much as I am of it, flows out like tentacles playing at the edges of the circle of light you and, only due to his proximity to you, he are being protected by. If not for you, he would scarcely have made it past the door before my darkness extinguished the blandness he calls a soul. But you do not notice any of this.

 To you, I am still me, if a little out of sync. Your vibrant eyes pour light upon my face so that no shadows of my dark nature remain. But when you look at him with those same eyes the beast in me lunges, held back only by my shackles and chains. Those things you so easily dismiss are all that he sees, this is all he knows of the person you confide in.

 And when you look at him I see too. His nature is revealed, for he shines with a breathtaking light. But it is false light, merely a reflection of your wonder. He is a mirror, a looking glass that shows you exactly what you wish to see. And now the reflected light is harsh. Refined through his jealous heart, heat is added to your once pure and brilliant presence. While your light merely dissipated the dark around me, his light burns it. Like a child with a magnifying glass, he kills my essence piece by piece, burning scars into my flesh and cutting through the spectrum that once connected our two worlds, our two souls.

 This is our end. With your favor upon him, he turns his light on our final remnant of friendship and removes me from you. With our bonds gone, with our ties lost, I know that you will not return again. Even as you say goodbye and tell me you’ll see me later, the smile on his face tells me that this is our last farewell. The door closes in slow motion as I see the light wane and shrink until the final sliver falls upon my face. Then “CLICK,” the lock snaps shut; so loud in its triumphant laugh as if to say “now I will never have to open again.”

 Now in the darkness I wait, but there are no sounds to hear. There is no one to wait for. Instead of steel bars I now stare at the cold stone walls of the crypt where my heart is finally laid to rest. No inscription in marble, no flowers on my grave, just me and my still heart, alive but alone.