Damn, cat

She did it again today. I was hiding in the bathroom, my heart into pieces on the floor, trying not to so too loudly. 

I couldn't move, and breathing felt like daggers. Just another line severed between us, no big deal. One less thing to talk about, one more thing to divide us.

I have to match your energy, and thats the part that makes me weep. Because I cannot love another. I am not free. I'm supposed to act single, act like we are just roommates, act like I have no interest in you beyond what any other man finds in a woman.

You've had years to deal with the pain and loss, and you are out of those woods and on a new path. I am just starting to get to the darkest part of the Woods.

We set a boundary, and you're lready testing it. Seeing how much you can say before i push back, but it is so raw for me. It feels like the last thread holding together the tapestry of our past. It's cut, but until I pull the pieces out your going to keep talking about it unraveling like its not the end of our life.

Then the cat cries at the door, again and again. Until I have to pull myself together and let her in. She walks in, walks around, and then leaves. And I'm so uncomprehending I just follow, and once I'm out of the bathroom I'm back in the world and the lid shut on that particular box.