I deserve the relationship we have now. Not just because I ruined our marriage years ago. Your writings showed that clearly. It's because of all the years you were screaming to try and reach me even through the pain, and all the years I was so cruel to you.
I hate that I put you through so much pain, that moving on was the only option you had left, and that it took you telling me that to finally cut through the fog.
The relationship we have now is not punishing me. Knowing that I hurt the one I care about most in this world, and that I did for so long and so cruelly, that is my punishment.
Still being in your life is grace. It is the sliver of light in the dark hole I've put myself.
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