wish I knew

There's so much I wish I knew. The signs were there but nobody taught them to me. When you walled yourself off in blankets I told myself it was for comfort, even though it felt like rejection to me. An attempt to force space between us. It was that, but so you'd feel safe.

When you first started covering your face with me around I thought you were being coy and cute. Then I said you were worried about bad breathe. Eventually I realized too late you were hiding from me. Another form of protection.

How many other signs did I ignore or explain away. How many chances did I have to catch myself. I wish I knew.

I wish I knew all the little ways your body screamed for safety that I ignored or dismissed.