I try and stumble, try and then fall. she deserves so much more than I can offer. I try to meet her needs but my brain won't let me. I make choices and they are the wrong ones, but they sound so logical when my brain says them. I want to do better, to be better. The pills aren't helping. maybe they mellow me, but then I am indifferent and uncaring. my memory worsens. I feel myself more and more pulling at strings trying to reach the thought I had or the instruction I was given. therapy feels pointless. I cannot remember what it is a should talk about.
She's going to leave me, and she has every right to. I only hope that when she finds someone new, they bring her coffee every morning, and they are unable to look away when she gets ready like I am. They will love her the way I do, but also more because they can give her what she needs.
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