But then why is the universe pushing me to chase her. No matter how I turn the sails, the wind blows me in her direction. I do not need help loving her, wanting her, or chasing her. I need help in stopping these things.
I'm trying so hard to work on myself. To focus on growth and mindset and being a better me. I'm not doing it to get her back. I never could. There is no growth that would eclipse the hurt, no mindset that could heal away her pain, no version of me that could defeat the monster I was.
I know all this. So why is everything I see about reconciliation! Every post, every ad, every quote. Where are the self help posts. Where are the work on yourself quotes. I'd even like to see the "become a better you" ads if they didn't include "for your spouse" or "to get her back."
Of course I want her back Universe! Asshole! I want nothing more than to go back to the moment I lost the battle with the fog in my brain and smack myself. To stop all the pain and hurt and anxiety I caused her. But I can't. And there is no way forward there. So stop sending me this bullshit.
She says once I'm in tune with myself it will all make sense. But how am I to do that, when the universe is trying so hard to tear me apart!
Fucking universe
