Accept

 I have loved you for more than 25 years. I loved you in high school, sitting and listening to you love others. Even as I went to war and you to marriage, I loved you. I loved you from oceans away, those nights when I fell asleep on the phone were the nights I slept best. I loved you as we sat across from each other at the IHOP, seeing you filling my heart to bursting. I loved you through my marriage, and through your divorce. I loved you through my divorce, and your adventurous phase. I would again sit and listen to you talk about other men wishing you would see me sitting there loving you. I loved becoming your man, raising your kids, how you worked so hard to help me get mine back, and the family we created all together. I loved you as we filled a jar with sand, and gave vows to one another. I loved you as we made a new life together. I loved you as you held our baby boy in your arms. I loved you from house to house, and then finally to our home.

I loved you even as the clouds started to form, even as my mind began tricking me. I loved you as I twisted what you needed into falsehoods of what I thought you wanted. I loved you, even as I hurt you again and again, not seeing the hurt through the constant darkness I was in. I loved you, even as I stepped away because I fooled myself into thinking space was what you needed, when all I wanted to do was hold your hand and kiss your head. I loved you, even as we grew apart and you survived alone and I drowned.

I loved you, even as you tell me you are done. That there was no more love left. I loved you, and watched the darkness finally clear to the cruelty I had caused. I loved you, sitting next to you and listening to the hurt I caused, the list of all the ways I failed you. I loved you even as you told me about the other man, the better man who sees you for who you are. I loved you as you fell in love with him. 

I love you now, even as you want him and can't have him. I love you now, even as you remind me that we are DONE. I love you now, even as my heart breaks at the knowledge we cannot be together.

I will always love you. There is nothing you can do to make me stop. You cannot hurt me enough. I cannot hate you enough, to overcome this ocean of love I have built up for you. So please accept it. Accept that I love you with no expectation of being loved in return. Accept that I love you and I want only to help you find happiness and peace, and that I will do everything in me to make your dreams a reality. Accept that I will always be with you in whatever way I can to support you and care for you.

You are my whole heart, and you always will be.

Love Always,

Me