That was rough. Reading those words "he cares about me a lot" broke me. I felt it in my chest like an anvil was placed in the center of me. I couldn't move, I could hardly breathe. I felt like I was dying. It still hurts, like a bruise on my sternum.
I can't catch my breath. There are tears but they won't fall. So much pain. Fuck, how do I continue like this. It won't be like this every time, will it? Every time she tells me he cares, or someone else. Every time she finds happiness, will it break me over and over?
I'm so glad she could find happiness and feel that care, but how do I live like this? I'm glad it was a message and she didn't say it to my face. I would not be able to hide the pain that brought. If I wasn't sitting down, it would certainly have brought me to my knees.
I need to get a thicker skin, to be prepared for those moments. I can't let her see that. That is not her cross to bear. It is mine. I only have love and care to give her, I will keep everything else.
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