This morning

 I love you so much it feels like wings on my heart and a weight on my chest. You are so beautiful and amazing. Your light is so bright, I don't know why I couldn't tell you before. I love you so much that your smile saves me, even as the reason for that smile kills me.

I want you to love me back, I want you to feel safe in my arms and to let me hold you every day and all night. I want to kiss your forehead every night before we fall asleep, and hold you in the quiet before we wake up. I want to hold your hand everywhere we go, and kiss your delicate fingers.

I am so sorry for the pain I've caused you. I am sorry for all that you've endured alone while I was in the clouds. I'm sorry for all the love I didn't show, and all the words I didn't say. I will never forgive myself for doing that to you. You are the most important person in my life, and I did that to you.

I wish you could give us another chance. I want to spend the next decade of my life growing into the type of person I should be, and the man you deserve. I want to spend the next decade helping you heal from the trauma and shine as bright as you can. I want to build our relationship brick by brick until it is stronger than it ever was. I want dates. Movie dates, dinner dates, dances. I want to take you places and be with you, and I want you to be with me. 

I love you so much, and I hope that you find happiness and peace in the paths you walk down.